Children that I knew
by Josy57
Summary: During his sixth year, Harry has growing suspicions about Draco Malfoy. At last, he gets a chance to share them with Dumbledore who has often been absent lately. However, the director too has important things to discuss with Harry.


\- Professor! I need to talk to you, it's…

\- Come in, Harry, come in. Sit down. I was just thinking about you, about all of you.

With his shriveled hand, Albus Dumbledore made a circular motion, encapsulating the entire school.

\- And I must say that I am worried too. I have directed this school for a long time. I have seen thousands of students. I have known most of this country's wizards, from the most important ministry worker to the most insignificant artefact retailer. I knew them when they were your age, Harry. They were my students. They stood where you are standing, under my responsibility.

Harry looked at the old man. He was dry-mouthed, lost for what to say. He had arrived tensed, with blood almost boiling because he had waited so long for Dumbledore to come back so that he could share with him his suspicions about Draco, what he might be plotting, what he may have become. But the grave and tired tone with which the director had stopped him dead in his tracks. Now it was even hard simply to hold the blue gaze and its strange glow. There was so much more than just nostalgia in Dumbledore's voice. Ever since the beginning of the year, he had been rare, disappearing from Hogwarts for weeks at a time and each time he came back to the castle, he looked even more pale and tired to Harry. Despite his years, he had always seemed alive with infinite energy. But the extravagances and gaiety that once wrinkled the old professor's playful eyes had been replaced by deep lines carved by worry.

\- Professor, what is …

\- Listen to me, Harry. Those students have each followed their own path beyond the walls of this castle. Some became talented sportsmen or successful inventors, some now write for the Daily Prophet or have opened a shop on Diagon Alley. Others become Death eaters.

Harry felt his chest tightening. A wave of cold seemed to suddenly wash over the room, almost as if dementors were approaching.

\- Those wizards that now plot and turn their wands against me were once eleven-year-olds who walked those hallways, lost and full of hopes and dreams and who looked up to me with bright eyes because they'd seen me in the newspaper or on a Chocolate Frog. And I welcomed them here with the same promise as any other student, to educate and protect them. They were not bad, Harry, no more than you and your friends.

Dumbledore saw the frown on Harry's face but continue before the boy had time to object.

\- I know it's easy to see them as monsters. But I remember every one of them. The young Antonin Dolohov, for example, a real trouble maker he was. I can't count the times I was sent in my office for some mischief he had been up to. Slightly less than the Weasley twins but like them, it was never for anything really serious and he was a good boy.

\- But, professor…

\- Those times were different, Harry. Forty years ago, Hogwarts students were not raised like your generation was. They were not aware of what was to happen. Voldemort knew how to use the flaws in our community, mainly the underlying resentment that had been growing among old families for decades. It was a real powder keg, only waiting for an ambitious wizard capable of taking advantage of the situation. Of course, now, with hindsight, it's easy to say but the more I study History and the more I think it was inevitable. But you must know, Harry, that he was even more clever than that. He did not just use the failure of our society, he use the fragilities that come with youth : the feeling of being lost, the hopes and the worries about the future, all those things. And he also know how to find the unique weaknesses in every person. To the ambitious, he spoke of greatness, those who longed for knowledge he tempted with the access to infinite wisdom and most importantly, he brought the promise of belonging to a group, better, to a family. And we both know how appealing that is.

The director stayed silent for a moment. His eyes scanning deep within Harry, far below the shadows under his glasses.

\- They were impetuous, full of ardour and ideals. Fear only came later. During his first rise to power, many saw him as a messiah. So many hopes were placed in him. They must have quickly realized that things would be very different from what they had been promised, but once they were in, it was too late of course. True evil has a way to eat away at you, so fast, Harry, so fast.

Once more, they were quiet for some time. Harry was no longer trying to protest, he listened, both uneasy and deeply sad, to the old professor's voice, full of sighs and regrets.

\- Voldemort recruited them very young, straight after their seventh year. For many, there had been no signs and we were all very surprised. Everytime I would see one of their names in the newspaper or a ministry employee would come and question me about them, I would feel so betrayed. It was a foolish and selfish reaction, of course. What mattered wasn't that they had deceived me, what mattered was that I had abandoned them. I hadn't seen what was happening, I hadn't done anything to help them.

This time, Harry tried to object but Dumbledore raised weakly his burnt hand to silence him.

\- They were blinded by their education, the troubles of those times and his influence. But still, this school failed them, I failed them. They were not sufficiently prepared. No one had told them about such things. That's why, Harry, I am so adamant that the Ministry, in their attempts to preserve your innocence should not leave you in the dark. You are still children and they want to treat you as such, which is commendable but it only makes you easy prays for those who are not so concerned about such moral considerations.

After a minute that seemed to stretch indefinitely, Harry managed to ask :

\- Professor, do you really believe that any of us could have become Death eaters in such circumstances?

\- Maybe not, Harry, but any Death eater, in different circumstances could have taken another path. Something or someone could have changed their trajectory. What I am trying to tell you is that the worst exists in the best of us. I once knew a young girl, not unlike our dear Miss Granger. Granted, she never had friends like Mr. Weasley and you, but she was hardworking, bright and incredibly magically gifted. Unlike Dolohov, I don't think I've ever seen her in my office except to congratulate her on her near-perfect OWLs and NEWTs results. Of course, a young witch of her ability did not go unnoticed by Voldemort who had far reaching connections with her family. To her, idealist and ambitious, he spoke of accomplishing great things to change the world for the better. But he did not stop there. She grew up, like many other Death eaters, in a family where loyalty was preached but not affection and I don't have to tell you, Harry, how desperate for love one is when they were always deprived of it.

Harry looked at Dumbledore, simply dumbfounded.

\- She was a model student. She would have made an incredible Auror. She could have had high responsibilities in the Ministry. I would have been proud to welcome her as a member of staff at Hogwarts. She could have done great things, just like Rockwood could have joined the national Quidditch team. You should have seen him on a broom, Harry, a prodigy. The most skilled chaser I have ever seen.

The director seemed to have gotten lost in his thought but after a moment, he got back on his train of thought.

\- A particularly tragic case, this young girl. They all have their stories, no other quite like hers.

Harry was listening to those stories, stunned, almost dizzy. The first words that managed to get through hi slips were :

\- You really think she was like Hermione?

The faintest hint of a smile stretched the outer corners of Dumbledore's mouth.

\- She probably never was quite as nice, softness was not exactly encouraged in the Black family, but yes, young Bellatrix was not unlike your friend. Just like you, Harry are not unlike Draco. Because it is him you wanted to tell me about, isn't it?

Harry nodded slowly, still dazed with surprise.

\- Our friend Draco must be facing very dark times himself and I only ask that you do not judge him too harshly. We all have our cross to bear, that you already know. He didn't choose to be born to a family riddled with Death eaters, no more than you chose to be born to fierce members of the Order of the Phoenix, which led you to become the Chosen One.

\- But you do agree he is a Death eater?

\- That's not what I said. I understand your worry but if I have learnt anything all those years it's that you cannot save people against their will. However, if one day someone stumbles upon the way to redemption, remember this conversation and extend a helping hand, will you? Do it for me and all those children I have known and lost to Him.


End file.
